iLLusoryDoLL

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 03:22:11 GMT

My new blog add..
will be..
http://illusorydoll.livejournal.com

from this day..
my single life begins =)
and i'll stand strong =)

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 16:34:05 GMT

I shall say..
This is my last post on this blog..
I wanna change to another username but dun wanna delete this blog cos it has memories..

Noon, we still met..
Went to bugis and were looking things for his family for xmas..
even did a card with my sincerity and wrote till i cry..

then the response were..
"Jon passed me a card fm u. After reading it, i tink tat since both of u had been together 4 4years, u shld by right understand him VERY WELL by now. If u sincerely luv him, i dun tink u will find problems so often n treat him in this manner. I shld tink tat lack of trust n communication is an 'EXCUSE'. If real love exists, these rr nt the 'REAL' reasons. A person will mature n be independent 4 sure, be it early or late. Mayb u dun hv the patience to see it. Or maybe u hv found someone who cares n understand u better than Jon, then I WISH U ALL THE BEST!"

I was really so pissed! Trust and communication is the basic. of cos it is important! i understand him.. then haf he ever understands me? hu ever understands how i feel? and wat manner haf i treat him? does anyone sees how he treat me? leaving me in lurch when i'm sick and jus dump me aside when he has other commitment which we agreed to spend the day together? doubting me and suspecting me whenever there's a fren that's not female? and wat haf i done? that is to haf faith in him and noe that he will change. But it nv happen for 3 years. But i nv blamed him at all. but I reli ran out of patience and m reli too tired. all these while, effort done but nv appreciated only blames. yet i tahan for 4years. am i not good enough?

the next sms..
"In that case, i shld say u had been toying his feelings all this whiles cos he's nt as 'intelligent' as u. Bt its surprising to realise only after 4 years that basic trust n comm does nt exist or cnt be tolerated anymore. Anyway the decision is yours, n tat u hv made the right one."

WTF! I toy with his feelings? if i wanna toy rt.. i would have left long ago! wat for i tolerate for 4 years? and it's not realise after 4 years. IT ALREADY EXISTED SINCE THE BEGINNING but i trust and have faith in him. Let him hurt me over n over again thinking it's ok cos i noe he wun hurt me anymore. But each time it hit me hard. and such words rained on me. Dun I have my choice to persue MY LIFE? I'm not her child so she has no rt to control MY LIFE. and only his son is precious? I M MY MUM'S PRECIOUS DAUGHTER AS WELL!

the last sms..
"I shld say u r giving all kinds of excuses jus to leave him. If u hv found a partner, then just go ahead. U dun hv to worry, i will definitely let him be independent 'GRADUALLY'. "

Whatever! ya i giving excuses. I DUN GIVE A DAMN in explaining. Cos it's myself i have to explain to. I dun even haf to explain to anyone but i still choose to cos i wanna show my gratitude towards them and now i've done my part. Mouth is theirs. say watever they want.

and for Jon,
I have never regret being with u.
Neither m i angry with u.
but stop looking for me i dun wan ur mum to say i kidnap u.
each time there's a prob ur mum will intervene. being with u is reli stressful.
all the time it happens u jus tell me to ignore. y not u tell em not to intervene?
saying such harsh words reli hurt.
and no nid to wait till xmas le.
We will end it off here.
still be frens but not close frens cos i dun wanna have any issues with ur mum.
she will protect u for life.
lastly, thanx and bye.
All the best to u.

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 11:33:56 GMT

Last xmas gift from Mr Jonathan

The bird park trip!
The flamingos and the show..

The Storks and other birds.

The pelicans

The swanlake..

The Ostrich and lory

The eagles and scary owls

I dunno the name of this bird.. but looks nice =)

The penguins.. and the blue duck which someone says is donald duck..haha!

and and I got this dale at the arcade =)
mwahahahahaha!
Definitely making my everyday the happiest =)
guess this is the best way to get myself out of the relationship.

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 13:25:53 GMT

check out clothes from Japan!

Enjoy shopping =)

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:30:56 GMT

Random pictures.. for over last week.. hahaha..

My breakfast for last sunday.. and I only manage to finish 1/2 of my latte, 1 hotcake, 1 hashbrown..
Reli wasted my $10.50.. hahaha

Monday's photos..

Wednesday's project meeting..

Bolt!

CUTE CHIP AND DALE CHOP =)
heesh =) this makes my day =)

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 04:44:49 GMT

Hello..
Alright I've quite a number of things to update..
Random photos..
and also things tat have happened.
Thanx for the concern of everyone..
Thanx for the feedbacks..
I guess the ultimate decision is mine..
But i tink this r/s is not as easy to save anymore..
Yes you are sad. but me too.
I'm sorry I jus dun tink i can wait for you to grow more mature..
All the best to both of us.
We still nid some time for the final decision.

Anyway, guess the details I will post in private entries that's for friends only.

As for the random photos wait till I reach home then i upload =)

All I can say is Year 2009 will be a brand new year for me..
I am prepared to face the struggles that I cant escape.
I am prepared to cry every night till the day I let go completely.
But I can't stay in my comfort zone and accept watever that is happening.
Maybe we are jus incompatible since the beginning but both of us dun wanna face the music and think that we could give each other more time.. but it dragged for 3years.. or even 4years.

ok la.. tata

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 15:59:01 GMT

My mind is in a whirl now..

Just what is happening?!

dun ask why cos jus wish to keep it to myself..
and I am reli exhausted.

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 15:10:44 GMT

Had a reli fun day!
except for some issues with dearest..
but cant be bothered le la..
cos is not like a new issue.

Hahahahahahaha!
Had nice lunch =)
Today I eat nor..
noodle.. bubble tea.. coffee.. rice =)
and my weight went up to 39.7kg =)

It was a day full of laughter..
reli enjoy this kinda date..
other than with my girls..
hardly can reli laugh..

with dearest.. at most jus smile..
cos sometimes if i reli laugh he will give me the "dun be lame" face..
then never reli laugh out loud kind..

Anyway, Orchard is reli super crowded la!
cos of all the sales..
and gucci is damn crowded..
and we went to all the toy stores today..
lol.. go inside to fight.. hahahahahahahaha!

Also, watched bolt..
The HAMSTER is so damn funny la!!!!
so cute nor!
and we watched at Great World City..
haben been there for ages..
there's some shops which is reli cool.. lik shops for kids.. hahahahaha

Oh ya! as for morning..
Dearest's mummy n daddy fetched me to Pasir Ris to see the doctor for me.
Took an injection!
Pain man!
then today walk abit weird..
walk down the stairs v painful..
hahahahahhahahaha..
alrt.. tired le good nite!

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 07:43:49 GMT

Back from Lot1..
Went to meet Von..
and we saw BARNEY!
wahahahahahah!

We went Sakae for lunch.
ate 2 plates of sushi and 1 cup of chawanmushi.
drank coke too!
wahahahahahahaha!
super full!!

Anyway.. my weight for today is 39.3kg.
dun ask me why..
I also dunno why.

Okies. sian..
tonight go downstairs eat dinner oni nor..
chey!

hahahahahaha. k.
shall rot 1st..
lazy to do assignment neh.

and and and and..
The cat is still there!
I stood at the bus stop for so long!
cos I wanted to walk over as i need to walk down the stairs to go home.
and i told myself that it mite be a rock
as it has already kinda dried up.
but there's housefly flying at the head area!
why i tink it's the head, cos i saw legs and tail!!!!!!
and the other time oni the head is bleeding..
I reli couldnt bring myself to walk any closer to varify.
i jus faster walk another way home..
It's far to scary le.

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:14:13 GMT

Good Morning!
Slept at 2am woke up at 10am today.
wa shiok man..
latest time i slept and latest time i woke up.
previous night sleept too early le..
Yesterday too high..
msn entertaining Von and Lennon.
Haha and thanx to them for entertaining me.. was so bored la.

So i weighed myself in the morning..
39.3kg
but of cos will increase.. cos i haben eat anything yet
so no wories.. hahahahahaha..
meeting Von 12.30pm at Lot 1..
yea. going sakae..
I shall eat chawanmushi and drink coke!
hahaahahahhaahahhahahaha!

I shall post again tonight.
shall bring my cam out.. hohoho.. cos night is dinner with my family and ah por.. =)

Tmr morning i am seeing doctor for my knee.
Then meeting L for movie.. super honored eh.. hahahahahahha!

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 08:26:15 GMT

Yesterday I slept at 6.45pm!
Then mummy asked "u sick ar?"
Then i said "no."
Then this morning she asked "both of u quarrel again ar?"
Lol!
sleep early means emo meh?
hahahahaha.

ok.. about today..
OMGosh.. Shivers '~'

I walked to the bus stop at 7am to take 172 to interchange.
there i saw a DEAD CAT, grey with black stripes on the road near the bus stop.
I was shocked as it was the first time i saw a dead cat.
Stared at it, thinking "is tat a bird? but too big for a bird. OMGosh a cat?"
It has blood on the road from it's head. so obviously it died cos of bleeding from the head..
and the rest of the body was fine.
chill ran up my spine! *Wow so secondary school* well.. but it's true..
Then i saw a man walking towards it.
I turned.. and saw his car was parked at the side (it was already there when i reach the bus stop)
he came down and he nudge the cat. but obviously it dint move cos it was after quite sometime.
Then he pulled the leg and drag it to the grass patch at the side of the bus stop.
OMGosh! it's rather covered cos the grass is quite tall..
But if it's covered, nobody sees, WHO WILL CLEAR?
so i wanted to tell someone.. or in fact grab someone but no one was with me..
So i smsed dearest, hongjie and xueting. OMGosh!
.
.
.
.
3.30pm..
Decided to get down at my house bus stop and hoping that it was cleared.
I alighted from the bus. Glimpse at the grass patch.
Saw somethin grey with stripes and somehow still feeling the chill up my spine..
and jus feel tat the cat is still there.
I walked the other way home.
OMGosh! tis is reli scary..

Luckily morning i dint see it's face and also it is still in one piece..
already afraid of cat.. and I saw this!
omgosh!
reli shivering..

Alright..
This morning I finished up half of my Wife's biscuit.
Dint eat the other one.
Then noon was a cup of caramel frappe and 3 fries.. LOL!

ok will eat something for dinner.. =)

My mummy is so cute =)
I asked her to help me buy a can of campbell soup..
she bought 4 cans for me..
2 of my favourite - cream of potato n mushroom
then 1 mushroom with seafood and another cream of potato.
I guess she's worried that when she go china i will have no food..
mummy go china tmr and she asked me wash clothes myself.
I replied "HUH?!"
then she says "huh ur head. nv wash no nid to wear lor"
hahahaha..
anyway.. my weight dropped again!
Yesterday was still 40.4kg.
Today is 39.9kg.
hope dearest wun scold me..
but seriously i did try to eat more...=)

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:57:13 GMT

The scorpio personality

Scorpio is the eighth sign of the astrological year and is known by its astrological symbol, the Scorpion. Scorpio individuals are enigmatic, strong-willed, and passionate. With Pluto as the ruling planet, people born under this sign are considered to be dynamic and extreme in their opinions.

Below you’ll find general characteristics for the Scorpio man, woman, child, lover, and friend. At the bottom of this page, you’ll find links to articles with detailed personality profiles for every day that falls under the Scorpio sign. Read on to see if the characteristics ring true for you or the Scorpion in your life.

The Scorpio Man
Scorpio men are enigmatic and appealing. They have a steely exterior but possess much sensitivity. Men born under this sign are moody and need emotional "space." They are secretive and keep everyone at a distance. They prefer the stability of home and hearth. Scorpio men enjoy being part of their children's upbringing. They can be demanding in their family relationships, but their actions are generally motivated by love. Career success means a lot, but they never mistake it for personal achievement.

Scorpio Information
Element: Water
Quality: Fixed
Planetary ruler: Pluto
Birthstone: Topaz
Flower: Chrysanthemum
Key characteristic: Endurance
Strengths: Intense, powerful, transforming
Challenges: Jealous, domineering, violent

The Scorpio Woman
A Scorpio woman is one of mystery -- part tomboy, part femme fatale. She has a provocative magnetism. She is maternal, not smothering. Whether she has a satisfying career or family life -- or both -- she gives everything. She can be demanding but is equally demanding of herself. Always looking to transform herself for the better, she never seems to age but grows in wisdom and maturity.(hahaha I so so agree!!)
The Scorpio Child
The Scorpio child can test a parent's limits. This little one may start playing power games in the cradle. Everything is a means of achieving power and mastery over others. As Scorpio children grow, they are better able to handle the extremes in their nature. They generally have positive motives in mind. They want to understand the way the world works, and they won't rest until they do. Parents need to stay ahead of this child.
The Scorpio Lover
Astrology has made the words "lover" and "Scorpio" virtually synonymous, but it is misleading to think they are preoccupied with sex. Scorpio nature is more complicated, and the typical Scorpio is interested in marriage and long-term commitment. It is true that Scorpio men and women have strong sexual appetites and may be tempted to stray if their mate does not provide the spiritual and physical attraction they require. (haha dear.. so you better maintain your body shape.. LOL)
The Scorpio Friend

As a rule, Scorpios have few friends but are close to them. Scorpio men and women are loners who look to themselves to solve problems. It is often said that a Scorpio wants to know everyone's secrets but never willingly divulges his own. Scorpio natives have great wisdom and are often sought as life guides, even as gurus.

More detailed of me 7 Nov Scorpio baby

Very few people have the potential of the amazing Scorpios born on November 7. They possess intelligence and spirituality in equal measure. Although they have a strong sense of mission, they need a lot of time to concentrate on their personal sense of fulfillment. They are often drawn to New Age studies and attitudes.

Scorpio Information
for November 7
You should embrace: Fortitude, a pure heart, innocence

You should avoid: Absolutism,
conflict, misunderstandings

Friends and Lovers

Few people have as much love to give as those born on this date. They take their friendships seriously and will keep their word without fail. Being a mentor as well as a pal is second nature to them. They usually experience the greatest joy through their primary love relationship. They are loyal and do not take any commitment lightly.

Children and Family

Whatever their upbringing, people born on this date are able to use the experience in a positive way. They want to be good parents but realize that rearing children is complex. They know that not all children respond to their philosophy and do not blame themselves if their youngsters choose not to follow their way of life. (Every child should have their own rights and voices to be heard and respected)

Health

November 7 people believe that a healthy body, mind, and spirit are interrelated. They have lots of natural energy highlighted by a positive attitude. Prayer and meditation are important in their lives.

Career and Finances

November 7 individuals do their best work in jobs that give them the opportunity to help others. November 7 men and women do not set themselves up as "experts." They see themselves simply as good listeners. Although financial gain is seldom a major factor when they choose a career, they are adept at handling money.

Dreams and Goals

November 7 natives are dedicated to doing good. Although their ideas and politics may conflict with those of their closest friends and relatives, no one can question their motives. People born on this date know that for them, family must always come first.

HOHO.. go and read more about yourself =)

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:36:33 GMT

Hello!
Long long no post.. hahahahahah
mon to wed have been very tiring day..
but finally wed is over!!

Weekends i continued with my chip and dale..
of cos not completed yet..
haha..

Alright.. random ugly photos of me..

Alright.. I NEED TO CLARIFY!
It's NOT that i DON'T wanna eat..
It's NOT that i'm on diet..

I reli dun have appetite.
and each time i eat if i eat a little more, i wanna vomit or my stomach feel painful..
BUT i'm trying to regain my appetite..

Today i ate Wife's biscuit for breakfast..
That's the half left.. from breakfast..
Then one more which i tot could eat for lunch..
Lunch i ate pineapple tart and drank milo dinosaur..
so very bloated..
Then hope to finish up the half of Wife's biscuit for dinner..
The other one shall leave for tmr =)

Another thing which i reli wanna say is..

I'm reli pissed at receiving sms after 11pm!
Everyday come home very tired..
Wanna a good rest.. YET need to be awaken by sms.. WHICH ARE NOT IMPORTANT!
I think my girlfriends and the person will noe who i'm talking about..
The best part is I already said "I AM SLPING"
yet still can receive reply like "CAN CHAT?" "CAN TALK TO ME?"
do you not understand English?

I would like to say.. I will always be there if anyone needs me..
jus gimme a call or sms.. ANYTIME..
but if it's nothing urgent or important then dun be so annoying!

Furthermore, you are not a major role or a very important person to me such that i will wake up jus to CHAT with you.
In addition, I reli still feel awkward talking to you.

Sorry for the harshness, but my limit is up.

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 00:16:46 GMT

Quite an old song..

Like A Rose

And as I look into your eyes
I see an angel in disguise
Sent from God above
For me to love
To hold and idolise

And as I hold your body near
I’ll see this month through to a year
And then forever on
Til life is gone
I’ll keep your loving near

And now I’ve finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Just like a rose

And when I feel like hope is gone
You give me strength to carry on
Each time I look at you
There’s something new
To keep our loving strong

I hear you whisper in my ear
All of the words I long to hear
Of how you’ll always be
Here next to me
To wipe away my tears

And now I’ve finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

And though the seasons change
Our love remains the same
You face the thunder
When the sunshine turns to rain
Just like a rose

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 13:29:42 GMT

Today breakfast was 3 pieces butter crackers..
lasted till 8.30pm i had dinner with dearest and family n xavier..
We went to JP to shop and Xavier bought many toys la..
hahaha!

And dinner was Mcdonald..
I ate 3 nuggets, 1 drumstick
and was super full..
Hmm.. aish..

Hahahahahahaha~

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 12:27:30 GMT

Hihi!
Today woke up 5am to go to the childcare...
aish this project is reli.. aish..
time constraint cos of all the lectures..
we cant squeeze in our implementations..
plus alot of hiccups..
and is not us.. is the external factors...
damn sian..

Anyway, meet HJ today..
went to watch City of Ember..
haha nice show =)
Quite exciting..
Then went for lunch..

and.. seriously. I DUN LIK POLITICS..

anyway, I ate 3 plates of sushi.. considered my breakfast, lunch and dinner..
I reli have no appetite!
Somemore sushi served at one shot..
i see so many i already full already..
and thinking of food i feel so fan wei..
so i reli have no appetite >.<

ok..

I have an ulcer at the back of my tongue and is so sudden..

Then I'm down with flu now..

ok.. i am reli going to concuss anytime.. hahahahahah

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 05:41:09 GMT

Watching Destiny Love since morning..
Cos keep waiting for dearest, i forever no nid finish watching.. so jus watch it alone..
so touching..
and made me really miss my dearest..
sob..

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 04:05:49 GMT

Sick..
So dint go school today..
but going to work later..
wonder how to survive..
5pm - 9pm..
then tmr morning need to childcare at 7.30am..

bored..

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 13:42:19 GMT

I'm so tired..
Today is a long day. but fun =)

My cramp is madness.. but good to have dearest to takkaire of me =)

The event by my cousins were not bad..
quite entertaining..
hahahaha..
Glad tat my cousin Apple was there la..
if not would be quite sian. haha..

Alright.. i gotta rest soon..

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:48:42 GMT

Hello!
Today is Fattee's 4months old..
So dearest brought Fattee and I out =)

we went to Bugis.. =)
Watched Beverly Hill's Chihuahua..
Both of us love the show =)
Shall update more in our blog =)

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 02:21:12 GMT

Hoho.. the color of the water after i bathe.. haha..

can see that my baby has grown bigger as compared to the photo below when she first here.

Ok.. photo of me yesterday in uniform before work.. hoho..

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:31:34 GMT

HOHOHO!
back from work!
happy happy!
crazy crazy! haha..

no longer tiring in 4 inch heels..
no pain..
hohohohohohohohohohohoho!

alrt.. there's photos but i'm lazy to upload..
tmr then load k?
weeee!

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:10:27 GMT

Browsing through blogs..
so decided to do this.. founded on my cousin's blog.. hoho..

Name?
Eileen Tan Yi Ling

Height?
155 cm or taller? (cos pp says i'm not like 155.. maybe 156/157? lol)

Age?
19

Tomboy or Girly Girl?
Not very girly, not very tomboy.

Describe your beauty routine?
Brush teeth, wash face, bathe, apply lotion for hair, make up.

Describe your hair?
Long, reddish, mushroomy

Describe your personal style?
Sweet and Dolly =) PINK~

Do you...

Like metrosexual boys?
What's that?.

Like accessories?
Earrings and watch!

Like high heels?
YES! makes leg looks slimer and taller =)

Like matchy matchy, or mix and match?
Mix and match

Spend a lot of money on beauty products in general?
Yes for cosmetics.

Shop online for clothes?
Sometimes but hard to find reliable ones.

Favorite..

Article of clothing in your closet?
My dresses?

Makeup line?
Chanel and Anna Sui and M.A.C gel eyeliner

Skincare line?
Eucerin face wash, Chanel's make up remover.

Perfume?
I dun use perfume. Just smell nice naturally.. wahahahaha!

Colours to wear?
Pink (sweet), Purple (sexy), Black (slim n mysterious)

What is a trend you dislike the most?
Normal trend u see anywhere - leggings paired with long shirt, boyfriend tees, brightly colored skinny jeans.

What is your fashion philosophy?
Love at first sight. buy watever u see and u tink it's a must have, without even the need to hesitate! Of cos wear clothes that brings out the best in you and not clothes that everyone on the street is wearing.

What kind of shoes do you like?
Wedges, peep toes, sandals with diamonds, heels. Sweet, cute, elegant, comfortable!

What is your biggest fashion problem?
Slim and long legs.

What old trends do you think should come back?
Dunno,

What one piece are you dying to add to your wardrobe?
So far, have not seen really nice clothes.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
15minutes to bathe. 15mins for breakfast. 20mins to make up. 10mins to shit. LOL

Would you ever go out in public without makeup?
places just beneath my house, nearby shopping centre. Not anywhere further!

If you had a fashion budget of 1 million dollars, where would you shop, and why?
JAPAN! cos they have the nicest fashion!

Is there anything you absolutely CANT wear?
Clothes that makes me look flat chested cos i'm already flat. LOL

If you had to pick one designer to wear for the rest of your life, who would it be, and why?
Dunno.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 10:06:13 GMT

Finally bought maker and drew my wall =) but not finished yet.. hahaha..

Getting ready to go to my cousin's house then to work..

but once i reached my cousin's house. but nvm.
both of us went to have McDonald's =)
then we saw Ma Ma and Uncle Poh.. haha..
So went to look for them..
Then we shop around and chatted for quite long =)

See my Silver.. growing fatter.. hehe =)

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:23:15 GMT

Went to Causeway point yesterday..

Today went to sch..

wahahaha!
then after keep asking "should i dye my hair"
I went to Reds to dye my hair!
the hairdresser says I should go for Red base cos of my skin color n the thickness of my hair.